Support For Caregivers

I have done a lot of praying over the last several years for my husband and for myself.  My spiritual beliefs have been instrumental in giving me strength to keep moving forward with life.   I have also prayed for people who have been a part of our life that seemed somewhat unhappy and lonely. We all have a story to tell and everyone has their own beliefs about how to cope.  There is also times when we need to fall to our knees and ask for help.  I have done some research since I  had to learn to ask for help.  I read a lot about caregivers and the difficulties they face.  It is an eye opening experience when your spouse, child, parent or someone close to you is ill.  I am glad to find out that more research is being done on the affects of long term caregiving.  I am finally mentally well enough to say that I am taking care of my needs and no longer feeling extreme guilt.  I can see that now that I am happier,  that the people I love are happier when they are with me.  We reap what we sow.

It is a lonely life when you are dealing with someone who is disabled long term.  I have been talking to people who are caregivers in various roles.  Some people are dealing with spouses of dementia or cancer.  Some people have grown children that are still living at home with disabilities.  I have also talked with people who have grandchildren born with multiple complications.  My friends are also dealing with their aging parents as I am.  And of course, as all these things are happening we are also dealing with our own health issues.

I have been really listening to the problems that these caregivers in all the situations have been dealing with.  The number one thing seems to be finding time to get away to enjoy the things they like to do and also not feel guilty about taking that time.  It is harder than we think to just go out for fun.  If you are dealing with any of these situations you will know that sometimes you just can't leave the ill person alone or your schedule is filled with work and doctor visits.  It is sometimes very overwhelming to juggle the many roles.  In some of the situations your loved one may need constant supervision.  I have talked to people who can't even go to the store, because they are unable to leave the person they are caring for alone.

The one thing I learned is to build my own support group.  I was really surprised to find out that the nearest cancer support group was 60 miles away.  It has taken me awhile to build my support group and I was lucky to be able to get out and about.  My husband's cancer did not restrict me like a patient who is homebound.  But,  the need for emotional support still existed.  I figured out that I had to tell others what I needed.  People will say let me help, but I needed to actually say what I needed.  As I started opening  up and talking that is when my close friends started hooking me up with other people.  I have two wonderful groups of people I socialize with now.  They share my same interest and a lot of them are dealing with problems that I mentioned above.  We are helping each other now.

I am researching for some agencies that can help my friends.  I am finding out that a lot of caregivers don't know that there are federal laws in place and agencies that can help them.  I myself have learned so much about discrimination against cancer patients in the workplace. 

I could write a book about the obstacles of a caregiver.  Until you are in the position of a caregiver it is hard to understand.  You may have to deal with emotional issues, financial worries, giving up your career to take of someone, or being ill yourself and trying to care of someone.  Whatever you are dealing with, I hope that you don't feel like a burden and you can reach out to someone for help.  Once you start talking about your needs, doors will open and the sun will start to shine on you.  It may take awhile to get connected with others but keep talking and letting others know what you need.  You will also be surprised at how much you can help others also. 

I have learned through trial and error that we make things happen in our life.  We are strong when we need to be and we need to open our mouths and I am glad that I didn't have a sock in mine. LOL!!

If  you are a caregiver wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a pat on the back.  If you know a caregiver that is homebound stop and see them. Tell them they are not alone and give them a hug if it is okay with them.   Hugs are free and they come back to you many times.  It is like smiles that keep multiplying. 

Life is beautiful when you take time out to visit a caregiver !!

Elizabeth:)

Respect Among Medical Professionals

In reference to yesterday's blog posting I had someone ask if I was referring to my husband when I said a dear person had called me about going to the doctor, and the answer is no.  My husband and I have an understanding that we will always be at each others doctor appointments if we need support.  My husband understands that even though I am a nurse, I prefer to be his spouse.  Although, it is hard to turn off my medical knowledge and remain silent.  Sometimes I wish I would have put a sock in my mouth and played dumb.  I told him it is hard to give up control to someone else.  I have wished at times I had bit my tongue and not said anything to his doctors.  It is hard when you have an emotional attachment to your spouse. You want to do everything possible to take away their pain emotional or physical.  You definitely see things differently when you are on the other side of the fence.  You want to make sure the doctor and his staff will take good care of your spouse, just as you took an oath to do so for other patients.  I can tell you it is not easy to relinquish control to others.

My blog today is my own opinion based on experience of being a health care professional and being a patient.  I have learned from experience that it is best not to tell the doctor I am a nurse especially when I am the patient.  This is sometimes unavoidable especially if they ask what you do as a profession or if you use too much medical terminology.  The doctor either embraces you and engages you in medical decisions or becomes offensive and assumes you will not follow medical advice . I have also heard that I was just being a complainer when I have really been in severe pain.  I think this is based on the belief that people in the medical field are the worse patients.  We know how much we give to our patients and hate to give up control for others to help us.  We think we are infallible. 

Another scenario is being a caregiver of a family member.  I have warned my dad not to tell his doctors I am a nurse.  It has been very relieving to sit back and listen.  They explain more which is a relief for me.  It takes the stress off me to try and explain every thing to my dad.  I can just reinforce what is said after we leave the appointment.  I learned from experience with other family members that once the doctor knows your a nurse it either earns you respect or goes sour.  They either jump into the cover yourself mode by ordering too many test or think you can take care of everything.  They suddenly say we will let you take care of things for the patient especially if their staff is overworked.   It can become a very stressful scenario. 

There has been only a few doctors who have left me feeling overwhelmed and wishing I had never been a nurse.  Perhaps they have had bad experiences with other medical personal that are patients.  We all are human and become emotionally involved when we or our loved ones are ill.  I can only pray that my future encounters will be better with those doctors. 

I know that my husband is proud of the fact that I am an nurse, and so is my dad.  I am proud that they trust me to help them.  I hope they also know that I can't always help them and that doctors get burned out just as I have.   If you're a health care professional remember to take a break and do something for yourself or you may find yourself as the patient.  My advice is put a sock in your mouth and follow your doctor's advice.  Good luck it's hard not to voice your opinion.

Life is beautiful when the sun shines !!

Elizabeth:)

Forgiving Those Who Tresspass Against Us

It is Monday mid morning and a new work week has started for most people.  My week started with a wake up call from a dear family member.  I could have ignored the call, but that caring side of me answered.  The conversation was about medical issues and how to handle some situations that could potentially be brought up during a visit.  The conversation led to why don't you come to the visit with me.  I calmly said no and reassured the dear one that he needed to speak up for himself and explain to the doctor how he felt.  Then without hesitation he reminded me that I am a nurse and I know what to say.  I thought for only one second and replied that no I don't always know what to say.  I could tell he was not happy with my response.  I gave him an uplifting pep talk about how he could address his concerns and reminded him it was his life and he needed to speak for himself.  I had mixed emotions about not tagging along with him, but I reminded myself that I had to take care of myself.

As I came downstairs with Laney following me, I felt the need to say the heck with everything and let my guard down.  An English professor in college once told me that good writers will let down their guard and write from their heart.  So today I'll let my heart talk.

I haven't cried for many months and this morning I felt so inclined to just cry my heart out.  I hoped it would maybe make me feel better.  I wasn't even sure why I was crying and perhaps it was just a release of tension.  After the telephone conversation, I have to admit I am just tired of  doctor office visits.  I am very grateful for doctors, but I have spent way too much time in too many offices being the listening ears for loved ones and I am burned out.  The wick is gone and I feel like a puddle of wax. 

I was thrust into the caregiver position long before I became a nurse.   My mother was ill most of my whole childhood and adulthood.  Her philosophy was that I was to take care of her.  From an early age I had way too much responsibility.  She reminded me constantly that she was doing me a favor and teaching me how to care for others.  She perhaps did not know how to care for herself.  I have worked hard over the last several years to forgive her and I have learned the importance of taking care of myself.  She passed away ten years ago and I do miss her. It saddens me that she was unable to learn how important it is to love yourself and take of yourself.  I will always be sad that she was trapped in her own mindset and unable to find peace with herself. 

She is not here for me to share with her the importance of loving myself and forgiving others.  It makes me sad that she wasted a lot of her own life trapped by her own mind and refused care from health care professionals.  I can not change her past, but I can make sure that I take care of myself and follow my dreams.  I will never be able to share with her the things I have learned about making myself  happy.   I have forgave her for her hurtful words about how ashamed she was of me, but it is hard to forget spoken words especially from parents you trust to love you and take care of you.   I realize now from my own therapy with health care professionals that she was dealing with mental health issues.  I wish she had learned to trust her doctors when they tried to help her.

She is not here to for me to tell her that I still hear her voice and the demanding expectations she placed on me.  I would have felt better if she could have said she was sorry, but she is no longer here and I have accepted that those harsh words and her anger towards other belonged to her.  They don't have to belong to me.  I love her and miss having a mother to share all those special moments in life.

My husband's journey with cancer played a major role in my willingness to let someone help me.  I can see a bright spot in all the pain of the last couple of years.  I trust in God that I have learned that all things good and bad happen for a reason.  About a year ago at the dinner table my husband started to cry.  I thought he was crying about having cancer. He told me he was sorry for all that he had put me through and he was worried about what would happen to me if cancer wins.  I would like to remind him that he is the person who has taught me about loving myself and that I have been learning the importance of taking care of myself.  The bright spot is that cancer taught us to learn to love life and change our thoughts.  I think of how different my life could have been if I had asked for help sooner, but I am proud that my life is changing for the better now.  My broken heart and mind are healing now.  

I can't go back and change what I said or what happened over the years, but I can keep practicing forgiving myself and others.  It is an everyday commitment to practice gratitude and bless all those who have been a part of my life.  It is a life time commitment to work on self improvement and loving yourself.  Happiness is felt when your mind is at peace.  I feel peace right now as I end this blog post.  I hope others can feel that peace also.

I pray that my mother is at peace and God has wrapped his loving arms around her.  Thank you dad for loving me unconditionally and accepting me for my own uniqueness.  Thank you my husband for learning to take care of yourself and loving me.  Kisses and hugs to all of you !!

Life is beautiful when your mind is at peace !!

Elizabeth:)

Another 5k For Our Memories

The last week I have been busy enjoying life with my husband and friends.  We have been enjoying some cooler weather.  It was highs in the 70's last week, and a couple of evenings we wore jackets and long pants to walk.  It felt more like fall.  We got some cold air out of  Canada and some rain.  It is now heating up again with highs around 90 and lots of humidity.  Laney is so spoiled by the air conditioning and she has a short hair cut to keep her cool.  She looks like she got a buzz cut.  I can see her cute little face and big brown eyes.

Over the weekend my husband and I participated in the annual Subway 5k.  We walked most of the way and jogged the last two tenths of a mile.  My husband wanted to feel like we had run the whole distance, but our time tells the truth.  I was feeling some muscle pain the last couple of days, as it has been awhile since we participated in any races.  Even though we walk every evening I do not jog and believe me there are some different muscles involved.  Oh well, I have survived and hopefully strengthened some new muscles.  I told my husband not to let me slow him down during the race, but he insisted on staying with me.  He said he enjoyed walking with me.  We are looking forward to some more races. 

My flowers are blooming and getting big thanks to our rainy summer and cooler temperatures.  I noticed that every day there were some stems broken off my flowers and wondered what was going on.  The other evening we caught a rabbit eating my flowers.  It was so cute that I couldn't be upset.  We watched it chew off a big stem of petunias and scamper off with it.  I took a picture of thief in action.  Laney has been on guard as she has seen the rabbit and was not too happy that it was on her turf.  I don't think the rabbit has anything to worry about, as Laney is afraid of other animals.  She hesitantly goes out after dark.  I think she is worried she will encounter the rabbit.  I have to laugh as she waits for my husband to go outside at night with her.  She is so spoiled.  I love you Laney!

My hero husband before the race.

The walkers in front of us.



Still smiling after the race.  The pain had not set in yet.

This is the cute little rabbit who is feeding off our flowers.

Life is beautiful !!

Elizabeth:)

The Communication Barrier

Good communication in the doctor-patient relationship begins with listening from both sides  It also helps if you have good patient advocates and social workers.  They should allow the patient to express their concerns to the medical team and not relay messages without you being present.  They also need to follow up with the patient to assure that needs or concerns have been addressed. There is always miscommunication when something is retold by another person.  Asking the patient directly and explaining the routine of the center and letting the patient verbalize their concerns relieves a lot of anxiety.  It should not be held against the patient if they or their family is having difficulty with the situation.  The lack of communication leads to resentment, defamation of character, and makes the patient and family feel shame in a stressful situation.  Cancer patients and their families have a lot of emotional needs from the moment they hear the words, "You have Cancer."  Sometimes we are so overwhelmed with anxiety and fear that we have trouble expressing the need to talk with a social worker.  I wish it would be a mandatory part of the cancer treatment for a social worker to meet with the patient and family before any treatment begins.  After that first visit then the patient and family can decide if further intervention needs to be addressed.   

Communication is a verbal or nonverbal way of interacting with people.  It is affected by many factors such as environmental and physiological barriers.  Sometimes a breakdown in communication is due to attitude barriers, resistance to change, anger and anxiety.  It can be breakdown due to cultural differences or personality conflicts.  There are also times when what a person says does not match their nonverbal expressions.  It is also affected by senses of smell, touch, eyesight, and noise in our environment.   Communication is complex but learning good skills to interact with others can lead to strong and lasting relationships in our personal life and professional life.

My husband and I have always had good communication.  I believe that is why we have survived a lot of challenges in our marriage.  We have always been able to vent our feelings without holding grudges against each other.  We accept our differences in opinions and meet each other half way.  I always said it was God's plan for us to be together.  What one of us was lacking the other evened it out.

We also were very attracted to each other.  I love the scent of my husband, the way he looks at me, the feel of his skin against me.  I have always loved the way he smiles at me and his kind words to others.  He also expresses to me that he loves my scent, my smile and my feisty attitude.  We have always been very open with each other.  We are a good team and we stick up for each other.  We have respect for each other.

There have been times over the past several years that this communication between my husband and I has been tested.  I spent more than half my life with my husband and I know when something is wrong with his verbal communications and he is not his usual self.  We were tested with these circumstances and he had cognitive issues that were out of the ordinary for him.  It was very stressful for he and I, our children, and friends.  I realized that there was a lack of communication in trying to convey these problems to our health care team during my husband's cancer treatment.  As I stated earlier, there are many factors that affect good communication.  I not sure exactly where the breakdown was and if it was the fault of anyone person, but the stress it caused for my husband and I was difficult.  We did not feel like part of the patient-doctor team.  There is no one person to fault and there was a lot of emotion and expectation on our part that played a major role in the breakdown.

My husband's cognitive issues have slowly resolved over this past year and he is back to the wonderful loving person that I met 38 years ago.  I am thankful for some doctors here at home that have helped us.   The pain of what we went through is slowly starting to fade.  I have learned to find the positive from a stressful situation.  My husband and I have become stronger and we are grateful for everyday together.

I have been strong enough to say that there is always a good reason for everything that happens.  I taught my children to look at the positive and I am very proud of them.  Sometimes we have to walk away from people if we have tried to communicate and we just can't understand each other.  I believe my writing was God's plan for me to express the things that were not communicated through verbal talk.  I hope these blog postings will reach out to other patients who have the same difficulties and they will not be afraid to express their fears with their medical team.  I also hope that they help  those in the medical profession make changes to build a stronger relationship based on trust with their patients.

Life is beautiful and peaceful when you are in a trusting relationship !!

Elizabeth:)
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Letting Go Of The Anxiety

This week has gone by quickly and so has the last four years.  I am finally able to talk about my husband's cancer without crying or feeling great anxiety.  Since January of 2014, I have slept every night.  I can rest my head on my pillow and count backwards from 100.  I am sleep before I hit 95.  It has felt so good to sleep.  I feel so relaxed these days.  My husband is also relaxed and we are enjoying life.

I am so relieved that my husband is doing better.  He had a good checkup at Md Anderson a couple of weeks ago and the pain of the past is fading.  We had a good encounter with the medical team.  We are making new memories.  My husband asked me if I felt better after venting my concerns about insensitive remarks and frustration with medical jargon.  Yes, I do feel better.  We can not change the past, but we can learn from it.  

I had the opportunity to listen to a lecture by Dr. Christina Meyers a former professor of Neuro-Oncology at The University of Texas Md Anderson Cancer Center.  It was about cognitive function of cancer survivors.  I felt so much better after listening to her talk about the research that has been conducted.  It helped my husband and I understand some of his cognitive issues he has experienced.  I wish that we had been able to listen to the lecture a couple of years ago.  I believe this information could have relieved a lot of anxiety.

I have met a couple of cancer survivors this year that have also experienced a lot of cognitive problems.  They were at a Leukemia Lymphoma conference.  They said the cognitive issues had greatly affected their life and relationships.  It was good and sad to hear that other cancer survivors had struggled as my husband did with cognitive problems.  They too talked about some of the bizarre things they said and did.  It is sad that cancer patients not only deal with the anxiety of cancer, but they also deal with side effects after treatment.  I pray everyday that we continue research to find new treatments that are less toxic to the body.

We need to always remember that people are more than their disease.  They are holistic human beings  and we need to be more understanding of their side effects from not only the chemo treatments, but the anxiety that comes from just living with cancer.

Life is so unpredictable and we live each day the best we can and keep our dreams alive.  Our dreams give us energy to live for tomorrow.

Life is beautiful!!

Elizabeth:)

Medical Jargon

My husband is an accountant and I am a nurse.  Both of these professions have their own jargon.  Jargon is a particular language used by a group of people or a profession.  If someone has not studied the profession the jargon may be confusing to them.   My husband is very knowledgeable about accounting and the jargon or language.  I on the other hand sometimes have no clue as to what he is talking about when referring to his work.  I let him talk and nod my head to acknowledge he is talking,  I let him vent and smile as if I really know what he does at work.  I have taken some accounting classes and I do take care of our bills and balance our budget.  However, I do respect and rely on him to understand that jargon that I just don't know.  It is what he has studied and spent many years doing.

I studied to be an R.N. and have knowledge of the medical jargon.  It does not mean I always understand everything in medicine.  The advancements in medicine are constantly changing.  The same can be said of the accounting profession  with the modern technology of computers.  Therefore, we both are always doing continuing education to keep up with the new technology.

In a conversation with the husband he told me it was important to him that I be present with him at medical appointments.  He relies on me to understand what is going on.  I have noted that at times he answered no to questions he was asked.  I wondered why and so I asked him if he understood what was asked.  I realized he did not understand the jargon.  I guess it would like an accountant asking me if  I had my directs done for the month.  I would say no since I have no clue what that is. 

My point is that so many medical problems are passed over with patients,  because we are using language that we are accustomed to and the lay person is not.  I try to pick up on the jargon my husband may not understand by watching his facial expressions.  I have to admit that sometimes I have anxiety myself and I am not paying attention.  My husband said he just waits to hear that his test are okay and then he admits he does not hear anything else. 

I am not sure there is an answer to the problem of understanding medical language at appointments for the lay person.  If the patient does not acknowledge that they don't understand then we assume that everything is okay.  I guess that is why it is important to have someone with you at appointments.  And, it is even better if that person understands the medical jargon. 

I have experienced this same misunderstanding of medical language with my dad.  I have been his extra set of ears at his appointments also.  He admits most candidly to his doctors that I am with him, because he simply does not understand what they are talking about.  He lets me know he is grateful that I am there to explain in simple terms or to let the doctor know he does not understand.

I guess as health care professionals we should never assume that our patients understand us.  Hopefully they will feel comfortable enough and not be intimidated to admit that they just don't understand.  And, hopefully we will not make them feel embarrassed with sarcastic remarks when they don't understand. 

Let us not be judged by what we do not know, but praise us for the courage and strength to ask and learn. 

Life is beautiful with a four legged friend who listens to me unconditionally !!

Elizabeth:)



 

Insensitive Statements to Cancer Patients

The fourth of July weekend was a lot of fun.  We had perfect weather for enjoying life outdoors.  The temperatures were a little cool for this time of the year.  We were able to have outdoor picnics with our children and of course a corn hole tournament.  The fireworks were beautiful and the evenings were cool enough for a bonfire and toasted marshmallows. Yum!  My husband and I finished off the weekend with a bike ride in Yellow Springs.  It was a fun weekend and we were so blessed with the beautiful weather.  Thank you God !!

My husband and I have been talking about new adventures in our life and moving forward.  We are holding on to dreams and enjoying everyday after a stressful four years.  My anxiety has slowly gone away and I feel more relaxed these days.  I have learned to spoil myself.  My husband also seems more relaxed and we are enjoying life.  I held onto the marriage vows in sickness and health till death do we part.  My dad always said if you love someone don't give up.  Life is not easy and marriage is not always a box of chocolates.  Cancer took a lot out of me, but I decided to stick my neck out for my husband.  It was worth all the pain and now I can see that I really don't care what anyone thought of me because, this is my life.  I am happy to share my life with my husband.  He tells me everyday how much he loves me and we are glad that cancer did not succeed in separating our love for each other.

I read a title on a book recently about it is not my business what others think about me.  If we think about that statement it is very true.  My life belongs to me and regardless of what others think, it is their problem.  I am happy these days and realize how cancer tested me.  I was overwhelmed with thoughts of losing my husband.  I also was scared beyond believe with how the chemotherapy treatments affected his cognitive thinking.  He has improved 100 percent over the past year.  He told me that I was his angel and I am glad I held on for the crazy ride.  I always held onto the notion we would be alright, but it was frightening and I can not expect anyone to understand if they have not lived through it.  If I had to do it all again I would stick my neck out again to make sure he received the care he deserved.

My advice to other couples dealing with cancer is to forgive others for their insensitive things they say.  I know that what they say hurts, but from lots of therapy and healing I realize it only matters that I can own my own feelings.  Keep telling yourself you are strong and keep dreaming about how you want your life to be.  Live each day to the fullest and set small goals to achieve your dreams.  Remember you are in control of how you live your life.  Accept that their will be challenges in life, but remember there is always plan B,C etc...  There are 26 letters in the alphabet, and if you reach the end then maybe you need to rethink the dream.  The main thing is to keep the dreams alive and it will keep you moving forward and filled with happiness.        
                                                                    

I would like to end this post with a few insensitive things that have been said to my husband and I by various health care personnel.  I hope this can be some constructive eye openers as what not to say to cancer patients and family.  No names have been used to protect their identity.

"I bent over backwards for you and I don't have time to personally get involved with patients.."  Our thoughts about this are, we trusted my husband's life in your hands and used our life savings to save his life.  We expected the best care and you were being paid to provide it.  You could have asked us how you could help us and referred us to those who did want to help us.  We are sorry we wasted your time. 

"Your husband is wasting our time, he will be back here in a couple years with another cancer that will eventually kill him."  I feel sorry for this nurse, perhaps she needs to pick a different profession.

"I have too much emotional burden to read your email or return your calls."  Yes my husband and I know that working with cancer patients is emotionally draining.  We have been dealing with cancer for 17 years.   You made us feel like we were a burden.  It would have been nice if you could have referred us to someone who could have helped us.

And to end this the number one thing that upset my husband was a comment addressed to me, "You are appalling, and if you were my spouse I would be ashamed of you."  This was absolutely the wrong thing to say to anyone's spouse.  That hurt not only me, but the whole family.  My husband made the decision to end that patient- health care relationship.  We are strong enough to know when to walk away.  We have forgave this person, but I pray he never says anything like that to any one else.

It is hard to be a patient of cancer.  It is hard to be a spouse, family, friend, and caregiver of a cancer patient.  It is hard to be a health care provider for a cancer patient.  We all need to remember to take care of ourselves and seek therapy when we feel burned out or emotionally burdened.  Thank you to those who did help us. 

Life is beautiful !!

Elizabeth:)

Happy Birthday to Me !!

Laney woke me up early this morning.  I guess she wanted me to celebrate my birthday, so I decided to get dressed and take advantage of rising way to early.  I decided to let someone else make breakfast and off  I went to a local café.  Laney retreated to the couch to take a nap.  So much for her celebrating with me. 

I spent the day pampering myself and even bought myself a boutique of flowers.  I managed to squeeze in an afternoon nap.  Then it was off to the baseball game and fireworks with my husband.  The city always has fireworks on the third of July every year.   I always say they are for me.  LOL!

Thanks to all my friends and family for the birthday wishes.  It has been a beautiful day and I'm feeling very blessed to have celebrated another birthday.  

Happy fourth of July to everyone!

Life is beautiful !!

Elizabeth:}

The Giggles

The Framer's Almanac predicted a hot and rainy summer, and so far it has been correct.  We have had pop up thunderstorms ever day since we arrived back home from Texas.  The rain followed us across the country as we drove.  There was six inches of rain in Tennessee.  We were slow driving as the rain pelted the highway.  We had planned to do a little sightseeing, but didn't feel like walking in the rain. No this was not making me giggle.

On the way to Texas however we did stop and see President Clinton's birth place in Hope Arkansas.  It was interesting to find out that his biological father passed away before he was born.  His mother remarried and  Bill took his stepfather's surname Clinton.  He otherwise would have been Bill Blythe.  He did not live in the house we visited very long, as his mother after remarrying moved to Hot Springs.  Clinton's grandparents lived in the house and Clinton would stay at the house when he was home from college.  They had the actual furniture in the bedroom and letters he wrote to his grandmother.  It was quite interesting to see the old house and the furnishing from another era.  There were also lots of family pictures.  No this did not make me giggle.

Okay so the giggles came on the trip home.  We forgot to make reservations at the hotel where we have stayed many times.  So after driving half way we stopped to find the hotel booked and every hotel from there to infinity booked.  I always can come up with plan B, as I smiled at my husband and said, "We can always sleep in the car at a Walmart parking lot."  That didn't go over to well.  I called my daughter to tell her we may be parked somewhere for the night and started laughing as I couldn't believe this was happening.  As many trips as we have made, we have never been without a room.  As I was talking to my daughter we were zipping down the highway around midnight, and we came upon an exit with lots of hotels.  We decided to stop at one only to hear once again that there were no rooms.  But, I gave the boy behind the desk my little pout and batted my blue eyes and he said he would be pleased to call around and find us a room.

Okay, so we got a room at an establishment that was not exactly four stars, but maybe one.  At this point  I really didn't care, but the blanket with burn holes and who knows what ever else came off the bed.  I started laughing as my husband inspected the sheets and requested a light be left on so creatures in the dark would not surface.  I laughed as I laid down and thought it couldn't be any worse than sleeping on the ground.  The sheets had that smell of bleach, so I fell asleep from the fumes. LOL!  We survived that night and exited very quickly in the morning.

So, I was driving a little that next day and my husband decided he would take over.  We had pulled off the road for a snack and that is when the full blown giggles started.  A story was about to happen that will be told to our grandchildren someday.  As my husband took over driving he made lets say a blunder.  A blunder that could have been potentially dangerous and what he did to recover after the shock mad me laugh so hard that I couldn't even look at him without laughing.  I mean laughing all the way home and I am still laughing about what happened as I write this.  We are both still laughing every time we look at each other.  It is the most we have laughed in four years and it has been great.

 I guess you will have to wonder what my husband did.  I'll never tell. LOL!!

Everyday is a beautiful adventure with you my husband !

Elizabeth:)

Holding Onto Life After Cancer

I have so many things running through my head that I would like to write about.  Choosing a topic for each day probably wouldn't be difficult, and whether or not anyone cares to read my post will not stop me from writing.  The blog was intended to share a journey with my family and close friends.  It is a way for me to vent and talk about things that are creating a life for me.  It is not a life without challenges or difficult and sad moments.  It is however my life and how I see it.  We all have our stories to tell and I hope my children someday will appreciate the journey they have shared with me.

They say that what does not kill you, can make you stronger.  I believe that my husband and I totally understand that statement.  At least I feel that it really means something to me after the last seventeen years.  I am sure my husband understands it after fighting cancer.  We were scared almost to death in 1997 with his first cancer diagnosis and I mean literally scared to the point I think our hearts stopped beating.  However, when we looked at our children it was like resuscitation and the heart started to beat again.  The fight with cancer had begun.  My husband at the time told our daughter I am going to be around for along time.  I will walk you down the isle on your wedding day when you find someone you love.  And, indeed he did.  For me my fight was being strong enough to pick up slack when he was tired and encouraging him to stay positive when he felt awful from the chemotherapy treatments.  It is hard for both of us to stay positive sometimes when life is so disrupted.  We made it to remission and enjoyed it for about ten years.  And, now once again after treatment we have made to three years of remission.  I am feeling very blessed for each day we are together.

I am not sure that people understood the things we said during our fight with cancer the last three years.  I am not sure that we even understood ourselves at times. The one thing I do know is that each day that passes I get a little stronger and hope my husband feels the same way.  It is hard sometimes to forget the trauma, but each day the memories get a little less and life feels a little less hectic.

I wish that no one ever had to have cancer, but everyone has to deal with their destiny.  One way or another we are all going to leave this earth.  I guess what will matter is how we lived each day, and if we were able to move forward past the trauma and heartache.  Please forgive us if we have seemed a little distant or emotionally unstable.  We have survived the cancer and that bond between my husband and I is still there and stronger than ever.  We are ready to enjoy more life ahead with or without the challenges. 

No mater how deep the hole gets, the rope is there.  You just have to grab it and hold on.  Someone will eventually help you if you let God wrap his loving arms around you.

I love you my husband!
Life is beautiful with you !!

Elizabeth:)