The fourth of July weekend was a lot of fun. We had perfect weather for enjoying life outdoors. The temperatures were a little cool for this time of the year. We were able to have outdoor picnics with our children and of course a corn hole tournament. The fireworks were beautiful and the evenings were cool enough for a bonfire and toasted marshmallows. Yum! My husband and I finished off the weekend with a bike ride in Yellow Springs. It was a fun weekend and we were so blessed with the beautiful weather. Thank you God !!
My husband and I have been talking about new adventures in our life and moving forward. We are holding on to dreams and enjoying everyday after a stressful four years. My anxiety has slowly gone away and I feel more relaxed these days. I have learned to spoil myself. My husband also seems more relaxed and we are enjoying life. I held onto the marriage vows in sickness and health till death do we part. My dad always said if you love someone don't give up. Life is not easy and marriage is not always a box of chocolates. Cancer took a lot out of me, but I decided to stick my neck out for my husband. It was worth all the pain and now I can see that I really don't care what anyone thought of me because, this is my life. I am happy to share my life with my husband. He tells me everyday how much he loves me and we are glad that cancer did not succeed in separating our love for each other.
I read a title on a book recently about it is not my business what others think about me. If we think about that statement it is very true. My life belongs to me and regardless of what others think, it is their problem. I am happy these days and realize how cancer tested me. I was overwhelmed with thoughts of losing my husband. I also was scared beyond believe with how the chemotherapy treatments affected his cognitive thinking. He has improved 100 percent over the past year. He told me that I was his angel and I am glad I held on for the crazy ride. I always held onto the notion we would be alright, but it was frightening and I can not expect anyone to understand if they have not lived through it. If I had to do it all again I would stick my neck out again to make sure he received the care he deserved.
My advice to other couples dealing with cancer is to forgive others for their insensitive things they say. I know that what they say hurts, but from lots of therapy and healing I realize it only matters that I can own my own feelings. Keep telling yourself you are strong and keep dreaming about how you want your life to be. Live each day to the fullest and set small goals to achieve your dreams. Remember you are in control of how you live your life. Accept that their will be challenges in life, but remember there is always plan B,C etc... There are 26 letters in the alphabet, and if you reach the end then maybe you need to rethink the dream. The main thing is to keep the dreams alive and it will keep you moving forward and filled with happiness.
I would like to end this post with a few insensitive things that have been said to my husband and I by various health care personnel. I hope this can be some constructive eye openers as what not to say to cancer patients and family. No names have been used to protect their identity.
"I bent over backwards for you and I don't have time to personally get involved with patients.." Our thoughts about this are, we trusted my husband's life in your hands and used our life savings to save his life. We expected the best care and you were being paid to provide it. You could have asked us how you could help us and referred us to those who did want to help us. We are sorry we wasted your time.
"Your husband is wasting our time, he will be back here in a couple years with another cancer that will eventually kill him." I feel sorry for this nurse, perhaps she needs to pick a different profession.
"I have too much emotional burden to read your email or return your calls." Yes my husband and I know that working with cancer patients is emotionally draining. We have been dealing with cancer for 17 years. You made us feel like we were a burden. It would have been nice if you could have referred us to someone who could have helped us.
And to end this the number one thing that upset my husband was a comment addressed to me, "You are appalling, and if you were my spouse I would be ashamed of you." This was absolutely the wrong thing to say to anyone's spouse. That hurt not only me, but the whole family. My husband made the decision to end that patient- health care relationship. We are strong enough to know when to walk away. We have forgave this person, but I pray he never says anything like that to any one else.
It is hard to be a patient of cancer. It is hard to be a spouse, family, friend, and caregiver of a cancer patient. It is hard to be a health care provider for a cancer patient. We all need to remember to take care of ourselves and seek therapy when we feel burned out or emotionally burdened. Thank you to those who did help us.
Life is beautiful !!
Elizabeth:)
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