The Communication Barrier

Good communication in the doctor-patient relationship begins with listening from both sides  It also helps if you have good patient advocates and social workers.  They should allow the patient to express their concerns to the medical team and not relay messages without you being present.  They also need to follow up with the patient to assure that needs or concerns have been addressed. There is always miscommunication when something is retold by another person.  Asking the patient directly and explaining the routine of the center and letting the patient verbalize their concerns relieves a lot of anxiety.  It should not be held against the patient if they or their family is having difficulty with the situation.  The lack of communication leads to resentment, defamation of character, and makes the patient and family feel shame in a stressful situation.  Cancer patients and their families have a lot of emotional needs from the moment they hear the words, "You have Cancer."  Sometimes we are so overwhelmed with anxiety and fear that we have trouble expressing the need to talk with a social worker.  I wish it would be a mandatory part of the cancer treatment for a social worker to meet with the patient and family before any treatment begins.  After that first visit then the patient and family can decide if further intervention needs to be addressed.   

Communication is a verbal or nonverbal way of interacting with people.  It is affected by many factors such as environmental and physiological barriers.  Sometimes a breakdown in communication is due to attitude barriers, resistance to change, anger and anxiety.  It can be breakdown due to cultural differences or personality conflicts.  There are also times when what a person says does not match their nonverbal expressions.  It is also affected by senses of smell, touch, eyesight, and noise in our environment.   Communication is complex but learning good skills to interact with others can lead to strong and lasting relationships in our personal life and professional life.

My husband and I have always had good communication.  I believe that is why we have survived a lot of challenges in our marriage.  We have always been able to vent our feelings without holding grudges against each other.  We accept our differences in opinions and meet each other half way.  I always said it was God's plan for us to be together.  What one of us was lacking the other evened it out.

We also were very attracted to each other.  I love the scent of my husband, the way he looks at me, the feel of his skin against me.  I have always loved the way he smiles at me and his kind words to others.  He also expresses to me that he loves my scent, my smile and my feisty attitude.  We have always been very open with each other.  We are a good team and we stick up for each other.  We have respect for each other.

There have been times over the past several years that this communication between my husband and I has been tested.  I spent more than half my life with my husband and I know when something is wrong with his verbal communications and he is not his usual self.  We were tested with these circumstances and he had cognitive issues that were out of the ordinary for him.  It was very stressful for he and I, our children, and friends.  I realized that there was a lack of communication in trying to convey these problems to our health care team during my husband's cancer treatment.  As I stated earlier, there are many factors that affect good communication.  I not sure exactly where the breakdown was and if it was the fault of anyone person, but the stress it caused for my husband and I was difficult.  We did not feel like part of the patient-doctor team.  There is no one person to fault and there was a lot of emotion and expectation on our part that played a major role in the breakdown.

My husband's cognitive issues have slowly resolved over this past year and he is back to the wonderful loving person that I met 38 years ago.  I am thankful for some doctors here at home that have helped us.   The pain of what we went through is slowly starting to fade.  I have learned to find the positive from a stressful situation.  My husband and I have become stronger and we are grateful for everyday together.

I have been strong enough to say that there is always a good reason for everything that happens.  I taught my children to look at the positive and I am very proud of them.  Sometimes we have to walk away from people if we have tried to communicate and we just can't understand each other.  I believe my writing was God's plan for me to express the things that were not communicated through verbal talk.  I hope these blog postings will reach out to other patients who have the same difficulties and they will not be afraid to express their fears with their medical team.  I also hope that they help  those in the medical profession make changes to build a stronger relationship based on trust with their patients.

Life is beautiful and peaceful when you are in a trusting relationship !!

Elizabeth:)
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