I am excited about the weekend coming, as we are going to be spending time with family. We will be celebrating birthdays, Easter, and most importantly life. Everyday is a wonderful gift and a reason to celebrate. My family is healing and my practice of daily gratitude has brought many wonderful days to us. We have taken the difficult times in life and learned to turn them into a passion to help others struggling with Cancer.
My husband and I spent the last three evenings watching the documentary, "Cancer: Emperor of All Maladies". It was wonderfully produced and a great depiction of the book by Dr. Siddhartha Mukherjee. I applaud all the people who brought this biography to life. It was nice to put faces to the doctors and researches that were apart of Cancer's history. Thank you doctors for your compassion and continual research to find treatments and cures for Cancer. You have given hope to all people, because as we have learned Cancer does not discriminate.
I have to admit that as I watched the documentary a lot of raw emotions were brought to mind. I was able yesterday to share some of my feelings with friends. Of course there were tears and moments that I cursed Cancer and was reminded of some very painful memories of the suffering that my family has endured. My friends have been touched by Cancer also, and we rallied together and found great comfort in celebrating that we are strong and grateful to have each other for support.
I glanced at my husband the last couple of evenings, as he watched the documentary. I could feel his emotions even though we spoke no words. I wish I could take away all the worry and emotional pain a Cancer patient feels. I also wish I could take away all the pain I feel as a caregiver and spouse. Even when a patient moves into survivor category, the fear of Cancer returning is always on their mind. My husband said to me once that the emotional pain was worse than the Cancer itself.
I appreciate the people that let themselves be filmed while getting devastating news of their Cancer diagnosis. I also applaud the compassion of the doctors that were dealing with the patients and family. For those of us who are caregivers for our spouses we are dealing with a lot also, and it was good to see that these family members were treated with respect.
I was very emotionally burned out when I was caring for my husband and it was very difficult to let myself be heard. The guilt that you carry inside you when you know that you can not stop what is happening is beyond overwhelming and you loose your self worth and identity. When I was finally able to let myself talk about my fears and feelings, it didn't go to well. I felt things really changed with the care my husband received. I was shamed and humiliated by some health care professionals. My husband was very aware of what I was dealing with and the way I was treated really upset him. We have been together for 39 years and we are no different than most married couples that face life threatening illnesses. We feel free to express our deepest feelings and occasionally argue with each other. We do depend on each other despite the fact that a social worker at a prestigious Cancer Center told me that I was too dependent on my husband and shouldn't rely on him for self worth. I would like to say to her, "Please keep your opinions to yourself and when you have been married as long as we have, then you will understand that loosing the love of your life is like cutting out your heart". Life is not always a bed of roses and when you are faced with Cancer, you become very vulnerable and your life will never be the same. No one should ever be shamed for their feelings. I thought that in this day and time that we were beyond this. It takes educated and experienced people to help Cancer patients and their families face the mental issues that happen.
I have been very blessed to have been in a marriage of 35 years, that has survived 18 years of living with Cancer and all the other problems that have occurred from it. When you love someone and have a trusting relationship with them you are able to work through those moments when you are not thinking clearly and have said things that have been misunderstood. It does take the help of experienced health care professionals to get through these tough times. My advice is never let a health care professional make you feel ashamed of yourself. We re all humans and our feelings need to be validated. I am glad that I was able to rise above all the shame and keep moving forward to help my husband and myself. I have learned not all heath care professionals are the same and it does not matter what they think of us. What matters is how they are able to help us when we are so vulnerable. They need to be subjective and supportive for all involved to help healing begin.
I have beat myself up mentally for placing trust in some people at one of the best Cancer Centers in the US. I realize that they have some great issues of their own that need addressing. Trusting health professionals to help you through these difficult times is how we continue to enjoy life for what ever time we have left here on earth. I am glad that I was able to find support here at home, but a lot of heartache could have been avoided if we had gotten the support we needed at the Cancer Center. We are thinking more clearly now and we are healing emotionally. Now we are facing some important decisions as to where we should continue to receive care. Cancer care does not stop in remission. It is a lifetime of care planning to stay healthy and to be monitored for other Cancers and health problems that arise from all the chemotherapy. We need a team of people who show some compassion and can realize that the care they give us is as individual as each case of Cancer. No one reacts the same to treatment, as no one reacts the same emotionally. It takes a strong team of people to realize this and set their own personal feelings aside. I hope that speaking about this will help others to find a team of people that they can trust and that they can feel free to discuss the issues that arise with Cancer or any life threatening illness. Our life is too precious to be in the hands of someone who tells us they don"t have time to care and they can not handle your emotional burden. These are words that really hurt. Especially when they come from a social worker at the top Cancer Center. I trusted this person with some very emotional pain. If they can't handle the pain, then perhaps they have chosen the wrong profession. Also, they should have referred us to someone who could help. Cancer is too overwhelming to bear alone.
Your life belongs to you and you deserve to seek out the best care you can get. No patient or caregiver should ever be shamed. Thank you, Dr. Mukherjee for showing us that there are people who do care.
One last comment, "Thank you to my husband who has battled cancer on and off over the last 18 years". You are my hero and together we will find a team of people that will help us fight for life. I pray everyday for my husband's continuing remission and all people who are battling Cancer. God Bless you all!
Life is beautiful !!
Elizabeth:)
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