When I started studying the language and thought process of gratitude three years ago, I started becoming aware of negative thoughts in my mind and also the negative thoughts of others. This theory is based on what ever you are thinking becomes reality. You can test it by simply laughing about funny thoughts and if surrounded by people they will start laughing. They may not know what your laughing about and they may think you are strange, but I bet it will make them laugh.
I had to realize that just because other people had bad experiences with cancer and thoughts of doom that they were not my thoughts. I did not have to own them. I was always worried about others judging me if I felt happy during what they thought was a difficult time. I really understand now the courage that I have to own my own thoughts. The thoughts of others is not my concern. It does not mean I have no compassion for people that are fighting to live. I would much rather project my happiness on them and make them smile and laugh than to be somber.
I would like to share a story about how our thoughts can paralyze us and keep us from being happy. I hope this story will help others see that we must speak for our selves and see how our own actions and words affect others. Communication is a two way street of talking and listening.
The Valentine's Day in 2011 was a learning experience for me and it eventually brought me to owning my own thoughts. It has made me aware of the fact that we can make our own decisions on how we want to be treated and that people should not assume anything that is relayed through another person without you being present. We have the right to speak about how we want to be treated.
My husband was a cancer patient and the journey we embarked upon was a difficult one that changed us for the better. We given a code of ethics on how we should treat the medical team and told to study it. I did and could probably recite it. I started wondering if the staff knew much about it, because some people were not following it. We were paying dearly for medical services to help my husband and we had requested to speak with our doctor several times before Valentine's Day. We wanted to discuss our concerns about some information that was incorrect in regards to my husband. It never happened, the patient advocate office never returned our calls or acknowledge a request that we had made. We never knew what was said about us.
I blamed myself for not speaking out on Valentine's Day and owning my own thoughts. My husband also did not speak up as he was in denial and shock. He was very vulnerable as any patient is. The doctor whisked into the room and proceeded to give a lecture on the prognosis of my husband's medical problems. I tried to stop the doctor, but was asked to be quiet. I was very angry at myself for not speaking up, because my husband did not want to know his prognosis. We let a seed of despair be planted in my husband's and my mind. It was one of the most somber moments of my life as I looked at my husband. There was no offer for us to possibly speak with a social worker or someone who could let us express our feelings. The doctor exited room swiftly and made what I felt was an inappropriate comment So, there is the reason that I started to have great anxiety and eventually panic attacks. We let the seed of what someone else planted in our minds grow. It was growing weeds that eventually took over and choked out life for my husband and me. It caused us both to doubt everything good and destroyed any trust we had in the relationship with our health team.
We did forgive the doctor, but it took a lot of healing and working to override that negative day. We tried to extend much gratitude and blessings to the doctor and team. We finally realized after hearing some more negative thoughts from the doctor that we needed to move on. We needed to take control of our life and be happy. It is not our concern what he thinks.
Good communication skills are a must when dealing with patients. So as we see presentation of negative news can affect us, but we do have the power to change those thoughts. It takes letting ourselves be vulnerable and reaching out to people who can help us forgive and heal.
Doctors need to ask their patients directly what they need and not assume based on what others say or think. All I can say is that my husband and I have forgiven ourselves for letting the weeds grow and the person who planted them. We picked our selves up and we moved on by planting seeds of hope and love back in our life. We took back the power to live.
Life Is beautiful !!
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