The sun is out for the second day in a row. Yesterday was a beautiful warm spring day that brought everyone out of their homes. I could hear the soft echoes of hallelujah, as people were enjoying spring. I have finally seen daffodils and tulips blooming. Yes, we finally have some flowers to admire.
I was thinking about how this spring reminds me that life is always renewing itself. We have the ability to make changes to renew our life and spirit. Sometimes changes are not without challenge, but we reflect back and we see that if relationships are not working we need to let go and move on. I was reminded yesterday, as I had lunch with friends, of a doctor back in 1998 that told me I had no right to be depressed or upset about my husband's cancer diagnosis. He told me I didn't have cancer and I should be ashamed of myself. I carried that around for along time. He is same doctor that told my dad your wife is old and she is going to die. He did not want to ease her pain or make her journey comfortable for her. I remember my dad crying, and I immediately gave the doctor an earful. We left his practice and never looked back. It was the best thing we ever did, as years later he was arrested for harming his own family.
I recently read an article addressing the fact that when a patient gets a diagnosis of cancer their spouse, family, and friends are all mentally affected. It reminded me of when a wife gets pregnant and the husband has morning sickness, or puts on some weight. I laugh as I remember my husband on the day of our daughter's delivery. He was exhausted, you would have thought he had given birth. He told me he had to go home and go to bed and indeed he did. I have reminded him that I have felt all of his pain with cancer. I think I had a lot of his side effects from chemo. They are empathy effects. We have them because we feel great anxiety over watching our loved one loose control of their life. We are dealing with our own loss of how our life is changing, and we want so badly to stop the pain of our loved one. It is an emotional roller coaster. I am able to see now that there is no shame in feeling anxious or depressed. It is the minds way of dealing with situational changes in our life. I am so glad I let go of what that doctor said back in 1998, and I thought enough of myself to find a doctor and therapist to help.
I hope that my own personal journey and strength to seek help to heal my mind will let other people see that is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of loving yourself enough to live a happy and fulfilling life. We go to the doctor to heal our body and we must remember our minds are as equally important. A healthy body needs a healthy mind. Never give up on yourself.
I am off now to enjoy this beautiful day that God has graced us with.
Life is beautiful !!
Elizabeth
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