Spring has slowly crept into our lives after what seemed to be the longest winter in history. Today the temperatures are mild and it is raining. We have had a lot of rain lately. I guess it it safe to say April showers will bring May flowers. The grass if finally starting to turn green. I was wondering if we were destined to live in a land of dead shrubs and vegetation as winter had really taken its toll.
I decided it was a good day to stay inside and write. My husband and I have been enjoying as much time outside as possible. We have been doing a lot of walking and enjoying watching life renew itself. Spring is an amazing time of year. We get to see everything come back to life. And, I feel at this point we too are coming back to life.
We attended the yearly Leukemia and Lymphoma conference on Saturday and met some wonderful doctors and patients. I met a wife whose husband had just been diagnosed with lymphoma. She was very overwhelmed and I could see the pain in her face. I knew that pain, because I have been there. I made a promise to myself the first of the year that with some small steps and determination I was going to end my pain. I was tired and mentally cooked. I wanted to feel happy again and I needed to find the right people to guide me in the right direction.
Those panic attacks that I have talked about before would not go away. They had taken over my life, and I knew it was not time to give up on myself. That's the gusto in me that my husband says he loves. So, in January I drove through a snow storm for 30 miles and walked into a doctors office and said," I need help." And, I finally got a doctor to listen to me. It was time let go of doctors who did not care. My blood pressure was very high and I felt like I had lost control of who I was. I am very thankful for that day, as it has changed my life. With the help of my therapist and the doctor I am much calmer these days and feel normal again. I still have days that are challenging, but I know now that I have health professionals who can help me.
My husband surprised me that day in January, as I went to exit the doctor's office. He was sitting in the waiting room. He had come to support me and make sure I made it home safely. It also changed his life, as he is now taking a more active part in his own health and finding people to help him.
My greatest advice to anyone dealing with a life threatening illnesses is find a doctor who is willing to listen. You need a doctor that is willing not only to treat your illness, but help you manage the anxiety and pain that comes with it. If they are unwilling to help by refering you to someone or asking you how they can help you, then you know it is time to walk away. Life is too short not to live in harmony and enjoy everyday. Take care of yourself and remember you are the one who must never give up on yourself.
I love you always and forever my husband and of course, as I have learned from you.... I love me too!
Life is beautiful!!!
Elizabeth
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