No One Should Be Shamed About Mental Illness

Anxiety occurs when we are put into uncomfortable situations.  It can happen when we have deadlines to meet or we are threatened by someone..  Our body is equipped to handle anxiety and it actually gives you that burst of energy to get through a situation.  However for some people the body gets stuck in the anxiety mode and these people have what is known as an anxiety disorder.  It is an illness that can be treated.

Finding a health care professional that understands that the mind is part of our body and that our thoughts can get scrambled and the brain chemistry sometimes get out of balance is of most importance.  Unfortunately there is still get stigma about mental disorders for most of the population and it can keep people from seeking help.  Understanding that the mind is a part of our body and just as important as any any other organ will open the door to treatment.  Educating people on getting a healthy mind is as important as educating them about any other part of our body.  It is not about shaming people when they are having cognitive issues.   We don't shame people for cancer or heart disease, or other illnesses.  I want people to feel comfortable asking for help when they need it.  Sometimes we need to let health care professionals know that someone we love is not thinking healthy or confused or suffering from short term memory loss.  People with cognitive issues do not always realize that their thinking is obscured.  It is up utmost importance to not be shamed for helping them.

We unfortunately are still living in a society that that brushes mental problems under the carpet.  It can be the result of stress or medications that are used to treat other illnesses.  It can be from situations that are traumatizing or from taking high doses of prednisone.   I have learned that prednisone when given in doses of greater than 50mg and stopped abruptly can induce what is known as steroid psychosis.  It can last up to several years in some patients especially if they hare experiencing a traumatic event in their life.  It is of up most importance to be able to discuss these issues with your doctor without being shamed or dismissed.  Mental issues affect the quality of life.  We need to let patients know it is alright to get help and it is not shameful.  We can put cancer into remission and we can treat heart disease, but without a healthy mind the quality of life has been stripped from us.   

I just watched a video  presented by Olivia Remes. (google her name to learn more about her and see her video).  It was very enlightening as I was already practicing some of the things she suggested and I learned some new tips from her.  Educating myself about my anxiety and learning to take control of it has been very beneficial.  Rewiring the mind to think positively and forgive myself for not being perfect has been very freeing for me.  I am not a fan of slapping a band aid on problems by popping a pill to take away the anxiety.  Underneath the medicine there is till a person with anxiety. Understanding where the anxiety is coming from and confronting it has helped me.  Some people may need to take medication along with cognitive behavior therapy and should follow the advice of their doctor. 

I have been an anxious person most of my life.  I have always felt as if my central nervous system is over stimulated.   I have suffered since a child with restless leg syndrome and palpitations of the heart.  My family calls me a compulsive worrier.  However when I am engaged in an activity that I  am very confident with, I am very relaxed.

I have discovered some things that caused my anxiety to be worse.  My overbearing mother who suffered from her own anxiety caused a lot of anxiety in my world.  She could not accept anything other than perfection.  She lived with OCPD (Obsessive compulsive personality disorder)  and could not accept her own family to be anything but perfect.  It was a perfection that controlled  everything we did including the way we looked.  She was trapped by her own personality disorder.  The stigma of people not accepting that mental problems are an illness just as heart disease, cancer, and etc. has kept a lot of people from seeking help.  I hope we can keep educating people to seek help and stop judging them for their mental illness.

I now understand why she could not accept me for who I was.  I was unique and I did not see the world through her eyes.   I realize now that it is alright to be imperfect.  In the last four years I have proven to myself that I will be alright without being perfect.

We can rewire our brains to think differently with the right guidance.  It does not happen overnight but life can be less stressful if you accept that is alright to fail.  I liked that Olivia Remes talked about doing things badly rather than worrying and not doing anything.  Those of us who have anxiety disorders let the over thinking and worry prevent us from living.   People with anxiety will procrastinate about things until they are convinced that what ever they do will not be right or something will happen to them.  My mind sometimes won't let go of the anxiety,  because I am my worst critic.  I do not have OCPD, however I am an anxious person from trying to live up to the expectations of my mother.  Even after she passed away I had trouble changing my mind set of feeling like a failure.  It is a feeling of being worthless.

Some of my friends have been shocked to hear me talk about this, because I have come across to them as a very patient person and very happy.  We develop coping mechanisms to cover up our inner pain.  That is why we hear people say I don't understand why so and so had a break down or took their own life.  That is why I have to talk about the anxiety and what ever is bothering me.  It is a way to let it go so it does not paralyze me.

I have been much happier now that I allow myself to do things that seemed very uncomfortably to me.  One of the things was leaving the house without wearing makeup and dressed in sweats.  My mother would have been mortified that I disgraced the family.  On Tuesday and Thursday you may not recognize me as I leave for Zumba class, and yet I am still the fun loving person that is full of energy.  And what I discovered was that people love me for who I am not what I look like.  I  wish my mother could have felt the freedom of not being perfect.

Things happen for a reason in life.  Perhaps all the stress and trauma helped me confront my worst fears and learn that I was worthy of help that I needed.  Having a purpose shifts our anxious thoughts and it does help relieve our anxiety.  God sometimes puts us in traumatic situations that will push us to beg for help.   We should never feel that we have to beg for help to treat a mental illness.  We need to talk openly to help others know that there is no shame in treating our minds.

Life is beautiful !!

Elizabeth:)

Forgiveness Fills Our Life With Happiness

I had a wonderful weekend celebrating father's day with two terrific guys.  My dad and my husband are two terrific dads.  They both are good examples of what a great dad is.  I have been blessed to have them both in my life.  Thank you Dad for being a loving example of forgiving others and looking at the bright side of life.  Thank you for all the smiles and fun times and always being there to support and help me.  Thank you my husband for always being there for our children and working hard at being a survivor for them.  They are great children who are a reflection of your love and devotion to them both.  Happy Father's Day !!!

Forgiveness really does set you free and allows you to let go of painful things that hurt you.  My last blog post on not letting others define you has gone to rest quietly in cyber space.  I wrote it to let go of holding onto to something that was very painful for such a long time.  I posted it for the world and then I let it go.  I have felt so free after letting go of it.  The best thing to do is to let someone know that they have hurt you instead of letting it grow inside you and consume you.

I am proud to say that I have accomplished a lot in my life time.  I am very proud of being a member of the National Honor Society.  That was a great honor for me.  My academic accomplishments also meant a lot to me.  I remember how proud my dad was when he saw me graduate with my honor cord.  I was one of the first in the family to graduate from college with a Bachelor of Science Degree and then become an RN. I thank my dad for financially making that happen for me. I am also proud of being a teacher and all the wonderful students I met over the years.   I am proud of who I am and I have changed my life so much by letting go of the the negative people that hurt me.  I no longer feel worthless.  My life is filled with friends and people that love me.  I am no longer dependent on others for my self worth.  I have proven to myself that I am the one that makes my happiness.  The more I have let go of the past the stronger I have become. 

If people were as loving and loyal as dogs and showed no prejudice towards one another, we would have a wonderful world.  I thank Laney everyday for that unconditional love and being beside me and giving me a purpose to live.  She gave me strength to find myself again.  I am sending love to her in heaven.

Life is beautiful !!

Elizabeth:)

Dealing With Disgruntled Health Care Workers

I just read my last blog post and I must say that the pain of cancer was definitely on my mind that day.  Those painful memories surface every now and then.  They are a reminder of where we were and how far we have come today.  My husband and I are both survivors.  Cancer does not discriminate against any person or caregiver.  It can happen to the wealthiest, the poorest, any race, or religion.  I think every family has someone who has been affected.   We must not let cancer stop us from what we are meant to do.  Life is beautiful and we must continue with what ever our purpose is suppose to be.  A survivor plans to waste no time living and seeing the beauty of life.  

When I have read about the survivorship plan for all cancer patients and some other articles about what a cancer survivor is, I  realized that my husband and I created our own plan.  It started with a trip six years ago across the country to get a second opinion.  Then we accepted the plan for treatment and we knew exactly what we expected from others.  There were days when we were not happy with the attitude of people who were caring for my husband.  I must remind us both that we are not responsible for their actions,  however we are responsible for how we react to them. We had to say that we did not want some of them on our team to beat cancer.  We literally had to voice our desires several times over a three year span. These people were what we called disgruntled workers and they had no problem letting us know.  We have since found out that we were at a cancer center during a time of many changes with new leadership and spending cuts.  We witnessed protest outside the building on one occasion.  We should not have had to deal with the retaliation of others.  We were there paying for the excellent care that was being advertised   It was our life and we were going to fight for it regardless if someone had their feelings hurt.  I think in the situation as a cancer patient we would all want compassion and a doctor who would work with us to get the best quality of life.  It is not wise for  doctors to control patients,  but lead them to the best resources to help them.  Change is hard for anyone but when you are ill it is one more burden on top of a mountain of many changes.  Deciphering through all the emotional changes, life style changes,  and developing a trusting relationship with a new health team  is very overwhelming.   Some people adapt well and others take a bit more time.   We are of course all unique and certainly individually our needs are different.  The patient should never have to bear the burden of disgruntled workers.

Our survivorship plan after cancer treatment consisted of my husband and I seeking help from other doctors to try and undo the emotional mess we had lived through. There was no time to waste fighting for others to help.   It is never easy finding new doctors and making sure they understand your medical history and entrusting our life to them.  We are still working on that.  We had to fire a few along the way.  We did not sit back and let the downfall of what we lived through stop us from making our own survivorship plan.  We take one day at a time.  Each day starts with a kiss and a note to each other as we awake at different times.  The notes are a reminder of love that had endured a painful past.  We fill each day with activities that are fulling our dreams.   We are reminded that every day is a gift and it is not always as planned.  We hold our heads high and help others navigate their way through the health care system.  Our mistakes are their gains.   We hope that the disgruntled health care workers realize that their attitudes affect the lives of people trying to survive.  They too some day may be the patient, so do unto others as you wish to be treated.

God Bless as cancer patients and caregivers !!  We are survivors  !!!

Life is beautiful !
Elizabeth:)