Support For Caregivers

I have done a lot of praying over the last several years for my husband and for myself.  My spiritual beliefs have been instrumental in giving me strength to keep moving forward with life.   I have also prayed for people who have been a part of our life that seemed somewhat unhappy and lonely. We all have a story to tell and everyone has their own beliefs about how to cope.  There is also times when we need to fall to our knees and ask for help.  I have done some research since I  had to learn to ask for help.  I read a lot about caregivers and the difficulties they face.  It is an eye opening experience when your spouse, child, parent or someone close to you is ill.  I am glad to find out that more research is being done on the affects of long term caregiving.  I am finally mentally well enough to say that I am taking care of my needs and no longer feeling extreme guilt.  I can see that now that I am happier,  that the people I love are happier when they are with me.  We reap what we sow.

It is a lonely life when you are dealing with someone who is disabled long term.  I have been talking to people who are caregivers in various roles.  Some people are dealing with spouses of dementia or cancer.  Some people have grown children that are still living at home with disabilities.  I have also talked with people who have grandchildren born with multiple complications.  My friends are also dealing with their aging parents as I am.  And of course, as all these things are happening we are also dealing with our own health issues.

I have been really listening to the problems that these caregivers in all the situations have been dealing with.  The number one thing seems to be finding time to get away to enjoy the things they like to do and also not feel guilty about taking that time.  It is harder than we think to just go out for fun.  If you are dealing with any of these situations you will know that sometimes you just can't leave the ill person alone or your schedule is filled with work and doctor visits.  It is sometimes very overwhelming to juggle the many roles.  In some of the situations your loved one may need constant supervision.  I have talked to people who can't even go to the store, because they are unable to leave the person they are caring for alone.

The one thing I learned is to build my own support group.  I was really surprised to find out that the nearest cancer support group was 60 miles away.  It has taken me awhile to build my support group and I was lucky to be able to get out and about.  My husband's cancer did not restrict me like a patient who is homebound.  But,  the need for emotional support still existed.  I figured out that I had to tell others what I needed.  People will say let me help, but I needed to actually say what I needed.  As I started opening  up and talking that is when my close friends started hooking me up with other people.  I have two wonderful groups of people I socialize with now.  They share my same interest and a lot of them are dealing with problems that I mentioned above.  We are helping each other now.

I am researching for some agencies that can help my friends.  I am finding out that a lot of caregivers don't know that there are federal laws in place and agencies that can help them.  I myself have learned so much about discrimination against cancer patients in the workplace. 

I could write a book about the obstacles of a caregiver.  Until you are in the position of a caregiver it is hard to understand.  You may have to deal with emotional issues, financial worries, giving up your career to take of someone, or being ill yourself and trying to care of someone.  Whatever you are dealing with, I hope that you don't feel like a burden and you can reach out to someone for help.  Once you start talking about your needs, doors will open and the sun will start to shine on you.  It may take awhile to get connected with others but keep talking and letting others know what you need.  You will also be surprised at how much you can help others also. 

I have learned through trial and error that we make things happen in our life.  We are strong when we need to be and we need to open our mouths and I am glad that I didn't have a sock in mine. LOL!!

If  you are a caregiver wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a pat on the back.  If you know a caregiver that is homebound stop and see them. Tell them they are not alone and give them a hug if it is okay with them.   Hugs are free and they come back to you many times.  It is like smiles that keep multiplying. 

Life is beautiful when you take time out to visit a caregiver !!

Elizabeth:)

Respect Among Medical Professionals

In reference to yesterday's blog posting I had someone ask if I was referring to my husband when I said a dear person had called me about going to the doctor, and the answer is no.  My husband and I have an understanding that we will always be at each others doctor appointments if we need support.  My husband understands that even though I am a nurse, I prefer to be his spouse.  Although, it is hard to turn off my medical knowledge and remain silent.  Sometimes I wish I would have put a sock in my mouth and played dumb.  I told him it is hard to give up control to someone else.  I have wished at times I had bit my tongue and not said anything to his doctors.  It is hard when you have an emotional attachment to your spouse. You want to do everything possible to take away their pain emotional or physical.  You definitely see things differently when you are on the other side of the fence.  You want to make sure the doctor and his staff will take good care of your spouse, just as you took an oath to do so for other patients.  I can tell you it is not easy to relinquish control to others.

My blog today is my own opinion based on experience of being a health care professional and being a patient.  I have learned from experience that it is best not to tell the doctor I am a nurse especially when I am the patient.  This is sometimes unavoidable especially if they ask what you do as a profession or if you use too much medical terminology.  The doctor either embraces you and engages you in medical decisions or becomes offensive and assumes you will not follow medical advice . I have also heard that I was just being a complainer when I have really been in severe pain.  I think this is based on the belief that people in the medical field are the worse patients.  We know how much we give to our patients and hate to give up control for others to help us.  We think we are infallible. 

Another scenario is being a caregiver of a family member.  I have warned my dad not to tell his doctors I am a nurse.  It has been very relieving to sit back and listen.  They explain more which is a relief for me.  It takes the stress off me to try and explain every thing to my dad.  I can just reinforce what is said after we leave the appointment.  I learned from experience with other family members that once the doctor knows your a nurse it either earns you respect or goes sour.  They either jump into the cover yourself mode by ordering too many test or think you can take care of everything.  They suddenly say we will let you take care of things for the patient especially if their staff is overworked.   It can become a very stressful scenario. 

There has been only a few doctors who have left me feeling overwhelmed and wishing I had never been a nurse.  Perhaps they have had bad experiences with other medical personal that are patients.  We all are human and become emotionally involved when we or our loved ones are ill.  I can only pray that my future encounters will be better with those doctors. 

I know that my husband is proud of the fact that I am an nurse, and so is my dad.  I am proud that they trust me to help them.  I hope they also know that I can't always help them and that doctors get burned out just as I have.   If you're a health care professional remember to take a break and do something for yourself or you may find yourself as the patient.  My advice is put a sock in your mouth and follow your doctor's advice.  Good luck it's hard not to voice your opinion.

Life is beautiful when the sun shines !!

Elizabeth:)