Me Too- We All Have A Voice

I have always followed my gut feeling and it has always led me to the truth.  It is the innate feelings that protect us from the predators of life.  Thank you to some strong women that have stood up to the powerful.   We now have people that are starting to listen to those that have been preyed upon by powerful men.  It has been a long time coming but yesterdays  guilty verdict of a well known actor has been a life changing moment for women.  We have a voice it deserves to be heard.  No one regardless of gender should have to endure harassment form anyone who believes that they are in a position of control.  The harassment unfortunately is happening in all professions and is not limited to Hollywood. 

I have been encouraged to speak about my own story of years of harassment in the medical field.  Bullying by doctors who have been put on pedestals and believe they are god  almighty powerful has been hushed by their own colleagues and profession for many years.  Patients and their families have been victimized and threatened to remain silent for fear that they would not receive the medical care that they needed.  There seems to an understanding that even when a doctor knows a colleague is disrespecting a patient that they turn a blind eye and walk away.  It is a sad day when we fear retaliation from reporting someone who is harming patients, families, and other staff.

My first encounter with the unjust medical system came 30 years ago as I was working as a nurse in a Urgent Care facility.  We had doctors that moonlighted.  They were only with us for a short time usually part of their residency program.  One such doctor used me as prey for his sexual harassment fix.   I was working in a room sterilizing instruments with my back to the door and he grabbed me from behind placing his hand over my mouth and the rest of the details remain with me.  He threatened me with a statement that he would report me to the board of nursing and request to revoke my license if I ever told anyone.  He reminded me that the my daughter would suffer greatly.  I had to pull myself together and continue to work that day in fear.   I had no other contact with this doctor as I believe God had been with me and I was asked shortly after that day to join a practice across town.   That incident stayed with me for fear that I would never work again  if I reported him.  I was young and naive and I had worked very hard to get my degree.   My future was at stake.  I have often wonder how many other women he had harassed.

The other encounters with  powerful doctors occurred as patient and spousal caregiver.  I never wanted to talk about this because of the threats to my family, but that is the bully trying to silence us.  Never think that because a doctor has a five star review on-line that they are not bullies.  I hear people say that it doesn't matter how bad a doctor's bedside,  but it does matter is if he can save your life . Sometimes the damage they cause to your mental health can be life threatening and not worth putting up with the bullying.   How much bullying should a patient take before reporting it ?   My husband and I endured three years of bullying, shaming and name calling.  I tried in a delicate way to get through what was a horrific time in our life.  However, I believe the staff turned a blind eye to what was going on and it is a sad day when a patient or family members are placed in a situation where the doctor's power is more important than the quality of a patient's life.   Dealing with cancer is hard enough let alone having to deal with a doctor that believes it is alright to say whatever insults he wants to a confused and vulnerable patient.  The verbal threats were the final blow as I was told that the staff was told not to believe a word we said  and the doctor would deny any conversations he had with us. We were told to be quiet and exit.  The final words were to my husband, "We do not care what happens to you, we just order test and prescribe chemo."  That statement was from a patient advocate.

I would like to say that we have had encounters since with nice and respectful doctors that did have five star reviews. There are doctors that do make a difference in the lives of others and we hope that our encounters in the future will change as more people come forward and let their voices be heard.  Being in charge in whatever profession does not give anyone the right to prey on others.  Let's all make an effort to change and respect others.  Your life story belongs to you and you hold the power to change it.

Life is beautiful !!

Elizabeth:)

Holding Space Is A Beautiful Act Of Kindness

For what ever reason God has winked at me lately quite a few times.  The winks are the coincidental things that happen when you are thinking about something or need answers to understand your feelings or meaning of your life.  One of my winks was an article about holding space for people.  It appeared in one of the health websites that I belong to.  It was about being supportive of people when they are going through a rough patch in life.  Sometimes the holding space is simply listening without  judgment while someone in your life moves through a difficult time.  You are present but silent without  judgment  or trying to fix the situation.  You are there simply to hold their hand, acknowledge their feelings, let them cry and be who they need to be without subjecting your morals or feelings upon them.  Sometimes though the person holding space for someone needs someone to hold space for them.  Sometimes when we are holding space for a long time for someone else we need to take a break and rest our soul.  We need to learn it is okay to hold space for our self.

Holding space is not always easy and we need to remind our self that we are not present to place judgment on the person or situation.  We must be strong and understand our feelings and own them.  They do not belong to the person that we are holding space for.  I realized after studying about holding space that I have been doing it for quit a bit of my life.  It can be rewarding and sometimes sad if the journey doesn't end quit the way we thought  However we must remember that everyone has a right to own their own story whether we like it or not.

As doctors, nurses, or any caregiver we are put into situations where we are holding space for someone.  Sometimes doctors and nurses are holding space for many people at one time and therefore should be mindful that they need someone to hold space for them.  As a caregiver for my loved ones I learned to hold space for myself and have people in my life who hold space for me.  They don't judge me.  They accept me for the way I am.  They let me be myself.  When you are blessed to have people that are there for you through the worst of times you see the light at the end of the tunnel.

My writing has been a great way to hold space for myself.  So if you are reading it... Thank You!  You are actually holding space for me and that has made the tough times in life seem bearable.  Hope everyone can find someone to hold space for them and remember your life story belongs to you and no one else.


Life is beautiful !!

Elizabeth:)